Weekly Goals - May 20, 2008

Results for this week:

1. Completed
2. Submitted (under the title "Greed")
3. Started, not completed

And now the goals for the coming week:

1. Revise one chapter of Friends in Deed
2. Plot out a new short story
3. Revise "Double Trouble"

Submission status for the week:

Short stories:
"Entrapment" (since April 25)
"Redemption" (since February 29)
"Obedience" (rejected, re-submitted May 15)
"Greed" (since May 15)

Aston West
novels
short stories
writing goals

Weekly Goals - May 13, 2008

Results for this week:

1. Completed
2. Not yet submitted
3. Started, not completed

And now the goals (again) for the coming week:

1. Revise one chapter of Friends in Deed
2. Submit "Tough Luck" to an outlet
3. Plot out a new short story

Submission status for the week:

Short stories:
"Entrapment" (since April 25)
"Redemption" (since February 29)
"Obedience" (since May 3)

Aston West
novels
short stories
writing goals

Maybe I'm a Sociopath

Mother's Day is in a few hours...my mother has been deceased for over 15 years now, and Mother's Day doesn't much faze me anymore. I guess a normal person is supposed to be sad, upset, and depressed.

I'd like to think it's because I have faith in an afterlife, and believe I'll see my mother again one day. But then, maybe I really am just a sociopath.

For My Spanish-Speaking Visitors

Discovered an interesting website which apparently reviews short stories...but in Spanish.

Their take on Little White Truths
Their take on Ever Dark

And for those who can't read Spanish (like me), the translated version from Google:
Little White Truths
Ever Dark

Weekly Goals - May 6, 2008

Results for this week:

1. Revised two chapters of Friends in Deed (Just finished #2 tonight)
2. Submitted "Obedience" to a pro magazine
3. Not submitted
4. Finished Twelve Sharp

And now the goals for the coming week:

1. Revise one chapter of Friends in Deed
2. Submit "Tough Luck" to an outlet
3. Plot out a new short story

Submission status for the week:

Short stories:
"Entrapment" (since April 25)
"Redemption" (since February 29...waiting to hear back on my follow-up)
"Obedience" (since May 3)

Aston West
novels
short stories
writing goals

Subjectivity

I believe this is the biggest beef I have with the publishing business. Being an engineer, subjectivity doesn't always figure into things (though you'd be surprised how heated it gets when it does...engineers can be a brutal bunch).

In publishing, everything is subjective. Certainly, there are some guidelines (appropriate usage of the English language, submittal of the appropriate genre to the correct outlet, etc.), but all in all, everything comes down to whether a specific person likes your material at a particular point in time.

How ludicrous.

Take for example, a recent short story of mine. I worked it up, polished it, polished it some more, revised it and polished it even more. Then, I sent it to some readers for their feedback.

90% of the readers loved it...and not just friends of mine. There were only a few that didn't, and I even worked a few of their issues into the final product.

So, I've submitted it to a pro outlet (just mailed it out this morning). I have no delusions of grandeur, it's likely going to get rejected. And (if so) it will be because one person didn't care for the story at the very moment they received and read it.

Publishing is weird.

Weekly Goals - April 29, 2008

Results for this week:

1. Revised one of two chapters of Friends in Deed (started on the second)
2. Collected potential outlets for "Obedience" but no submittals yet
3. Not submitted...working through some additional edits on "Tough Luck"
4. Started

And now the goals for the coming week (same as last week):

1. Revise two chapters of Friends in Deed
2. Submit "Obedience" to an outlet
3. Submit "Tough Luck" to an outlet
4. Read Twelve Sharp by Janet Evanovich

Submission status for the week:

Short stories:
"Entrapment" (Rejected and re-submitted April 25)
"Redemption" (since February 29...time to check back)

Aston West
novels
short stories
writing goals

Why Do We Do It?

Miserable pay, constant rejection, insufficient feedback on your work, nit-picky "bosses" giving out vague and unwieldy requirements...in any other profession, a company would go out of business because their "employees" would riot and/or find somewhere else to work.

With writing, though, it's the common accepted practice...

I'm not sure why writers put up with it, either...perhaps we're all a bunch of masochists?

AstonWest.com

Make sure to check out my new digs over at AstonWest.com

Weekly Goals - April 22, 2008

Results for this week:

1. Revised one of two chapters of Friends in Deed
2. Completed the final draft of "Tough Luck" (just last night)
3. Not even started.

And now the goals for the coming week:

1. Revise two chapters of Friends in Deed
2. Submit "Obedience" to an outlet
3. Submit "Tough Luck" to an outlet
3. Read Twelve Sharp by Janet Evanovich

Submission status for the week:

Short stories:
"Entrapment" (since March 27)
"Redemption" (since February 29)

Aston West
novels
short stories
writing goals

Weekly Goals - April 15, 2008

Results for this week:

1. Not started
2. Completed
3. Completed "Obedience" (was "Twisted Fate")

And now the goals for the coming week:

1. Revise two chapters of Friends in Deed
2. Complete the final draft of "Tough Luck" (was "Fate's Revenge")
3. Read Twelve Sharp by Janet Evanovich

Submission status for the week:

Short stories:
"Entrapment" (since March 27)
"Redemption" (since February 29)

Aston West
novels
short stories
writing goals

Weekly Goals - April 8, 2008

Results for this week:

1. Revised two chapters of Friends in Deed
2. Completed three pages for my website
3. Begun work on final drafts of two short stories

And now the goals for the coming week:

1. Revise two chapters of Friends in Deed
2. Complete the remaining pages for my website
3. Complete the final draft of one short story

Submission status for the week:

Short stories:
"Entrapment" (since March 27)
"Redemption" (since February 29)

Aston West
novels
short stories
writing goals

Weekly Goals - April 1, 2008

Results for this week:

1. Revised three chapters of Friends in Deed
2. Completed and sent
3. Started edits on "Twisted Fate", incomplete

And now the goals for the coming week:

1. Revise two chapters of Friends in Deed
2. Complete the first page of my new website (check back soon)
3. Complete the final draft of one short story

Submission status for the week:

Short stories:
"Entrapment" (Rejected, re-submitted March 27)
"Redemption" (since February 29)

Aston West
novels
short stories
writing goals

Weekly Goals - March 25, 2008

Had a hard drive crash which wiped out everything listed as results last week (oops). So, the results this week are a bit off from my goals as I attempted to recover.

Results for this week:

1. Revised one (of the three I'd completed last time) chapters of Friends in Deed
2. A little over 75% complete.
3. Unstarted.

And now the goals for this week:

1. Revise three chapters of Friends in Deed
2. Finalize edits for Heroes Die Young and send to my publisher
3. Complete the final draft of one short story

Submission status for the week:

Short stories:
"Entrapment" (since February 10)
"Redemption" (since February 29)

Aston West
novels
short stories
writing goals

Interview Excerpt - Writing Tips

Note: the below is not a transcript from the actual interview over at Ray Gun Radio, but rather notes I used during the interview. Enjoy!

During my interview with Ray Gun Radio, I supplied a number of writing tips I'd learned over the years. I hope these help all the aspiring writers who stumble across my blog as much as they've helped me.

1.) Research all you can about writing. I spent over a decade wallowing through writing and publishing before I finally found resources which have turned my writing career (such as it is) around. I only wish I would have found all this stuff out beforehand.

2.) Never be afraid to edit. Some of my best work has come out of the worst.

3.) Take advantage of all the networking opportunities possible (this is something I’m personally working on myself). Attend conferences, join writer’s groups.

4.) Write every day. Even if you only get 100 words out (which if you have a day job, may be possible), that’s 100 words you didn’t have when you woke up that morning. 100 words closer to the finish.

5.) Set goals for yourself and write them down. Put them up where you can see them. Everyone has a goal (get published), and every goal has steps to reach it (write a manuscript, write stories, submit stories, etc.) I have a set of monthly goals which I put on my computer desktop, and I post up weekly goals at my blog. Whenever I go online, my blog pops up (homepage) and I’m reminded of what I’m supposed to get done this week. Make them reachable, but not so easy that you can hit them without even trying.

6.) Last, but not least, never give up. I read Janet Evanovich (Stephanie Plum novels), and found out the other day that it took her 10 years to find an agent. And that’s a success story.

Weekly Goals - March 18, 2008

Results for this week:

1. Revised three (original goal was two) chapters of Friends in Deed
2. Reviewed complete list of edits for Heroes Die Young from my publisher

And now the goals for this week:

1. Revise one chapter of Friends in Deed
2. Finalize edits for Heroes Die Young and send to my publisher
3. Complete one edit through "Double Trouble"

Submission status for the week:

Short stories:
"Entrapment" (since February 10)
"Redemption" (since February 29)

Aston West
novels
short stories
writing goals

"Little White Truths" in Podcast

Hi everyone!

Just wanted to share the excitement...my first published story "Little White Truths" has now been made into a podcast over at Ray Gun Radio (the story was published by its sister publication Ray Gun Revival), complete with an interview segment before and after the story.

Check it out when you get a chance...the podcast is located down the page a bit, under the "Listen Now" link.

Just to forewarn you, though, the intro takes a little over 4 minutes...yikes. :-)

http://www.raygunradio.com/podcast/

Another warning, the interview segment is a bit weak on my end...not sure our phone was working that well. Might have to turn it up a bit... :-)

*****

Because the interview segment was a bit hard to hear, check back later and I'll post up some pseudo-excerpts...

The ER Visit

As mentioned in a previous post, I did have an ER visit a few weeks ago. Since Nancy basically begged me to talk about it (in the comments), here's a recap:

It was Friday morning, and of course, had a lot of pressing issues going on at work. This is always a key indicator that something will go wrong. I took care of the regular morning business, and then left for work which is about a ten minute drive. Five minutes in, nausea set in, accompanied shortly after by heavy sweating and the like.

The flu has been going around, in case you've been stuck in a cave for months, so I immediately thought I'd finally caught it. I suffered through the next five minutes on my way to work, all the while suppressing the urge to puke in the car. I probably should have gone home when it started, but as I mentioned, there were pressing issues at work. I at least needed to go in and give direction for the day (major items needed to be completed that day).

So, I arrived at work and proceeded to the restroom to hug a toilet for a while. Quelled the nausea for a while, so went over to my desk and shot out instructions via e-mail, then told the necessary folks I was going home. Still had to drive ten more minutes back to the house fighting the urge to puke, and even more heavy sweating. Arrive home, and the floodgates opened (and opened and opened some more). Everything pointed toward the flu.

About halfway through the day, the pains in my back started, so I knew I was up against kidney stones. Pain pills helped with my liquid lunch, so I laid down and tried to rest. Finally took a short nap, and woke up at dinner time. Felt a little better, even though it was the tail end of the noontime pill battery, so thought maybe everything had gone back to normal. Even tried a little bit more substance for dinner, but then the pain decided to strike back with a vengeance. I tried more pain pills, but their effect had decided to take off for the weekend, and left me back in the bathroom, keeping the porcelain company.

Let me tell you, clam chowder seems to have some sort of replication effect in your stomach. I'm sure there were severe violations of the conservation of mass that night.

Well, the pain increased, and as my wife is fond of saying, when I start cussing up a storm, it's time to hit the emergency room. She drove me down, and wheeled me inside with one of their wheelchairs. They took me back immediately (during another visit last September they did the same thing, but it was because I was pale and near unconsciousness. Not sure what prompted that this time).

The pain was a 12 on a scale of 10 at this point, so they gave me something for that. It had to be morphine because I barely remember my visit. I do remember my wife mocking me for snoring (*eye roll*), having to move myself from the gurney to the CT scan machine, and then having to move from the gurney to my overnight bed. I also remember them asking for a urine sample, which I was in no condition to give.

Sure enough, they planned to keep me overnight, presumably for surgery in the morning. Because the morphine made me worse off than Rip Van Winkle, I had to rely on my wife's ability to relay details and necessary information and keep track of the situation. Not a good plan. I had to assume it would have entailed like my others where they go in and blast the stones into smaller fragments.

Needless to say, I didn't sleep well overnight. Tossed and turned, stood up to visit the restroom with nothing to show for my efforts. Finally, sometime in the middle of the night, I was able to go into one of those lovely plastic urinals. Since I hadn't been able to in the ER, I knew they were looking for a sample. So, I caught one of the nurses (assistants?) and mentioned it. He told me they didn't need it, so I mentioned the unfilled request from the ER. He was surprised, and went off to get a sample cup.

This, as we say in writing, is called foreshadowing.

I tossed and turned some more, kept walking around the room. The pain started in again, but this time it was in the front. My stone was making a run for the border. I tried to catch another nurse to see if they could give me something for the pain, but they ignored me (and I didn't push the call button, I suppose). In the end, it was probably good they did, because otherwise I would have been completely out of sorts for the morning. And that could have made things far worse.

I finally went to sleep around 3, still in pain, albeit manageable. The nurses woke me up around 7, telling me that the folks from surgery were here to take me to pre-op. All of them were disorganized, apparently because surgery was called, but the floor was not. Needless to say, it was a bit frightening to know that these were the people who were going to be performing surgery on me, surgery which I was not completely clear about. They wanted me to sign papers, and since I'm anal about that sort of thing, I read through them and noticed that it indicated I'd talked to the doctor about the surgery (which I hadn't).

Did I mention I was a bit frightened by this point?

The pre-op nurse came in at that point to take me out. I stood up and noticed I didn't have any pain at all. Knowing I wasn't under the influence of morphine, I asked to make a pit stop. Now, I've had kidney stones for years. Most of them have grown too large to pass on their own, but there have been times when I've had one come out by itself. It's a strange feeling hard to put into words.

Needless to say, I shot a big-mother-of-a-stone out at the last minute. There's no mistaking the "rock out of a straw" feeling, nor the "ker-thunk" as it hits the bottom of the plastic urinal. I poked my head out of the bathroom and told them they may want to hold off on surgery, since I just passed it. They were still running around like chickens with their heads cut off, so they told me to leave it in there, and they'd strain it. So, I did so, and went to go sit on the bed.

You can almost hear the music crescendoing in the background.

(Editor's note: the pre-op nurse told me later she was surprised I didn't pass out. I guess when you've been through it as many times as I have, it doesn't faze you as much)

The floor nurse walked in to the bathroom, then came out and said she didn't see anything when she strained it. Now, I've been through this whole ordeal of passing stones for a while, so know what it feels like and what these things look like, so I knew I'd passed a stone. So, I walked back into the bathroom, and sure enough, the stone was still sitting in the plastic urinal. I showed it to the pre-op nurse, and she agreed it was a stone.

Did I mention I was a bit frightened?

Thankfully, the doctor came in, the stone in a test tube, and verified I'd passed a stone and wouldn't need surgery. I'm certain I'll see a nice charge on the bill for that visit. It took them two more hours to get my discharge papers, but at least I got a free breakfast out of the deal...

Pancakes and sausage...yummy.

Oh, and lest I forget, it included coffee and milk. Which, for a guy with calcium kidney stones, are two big no-nos...
Hmmmm

kidney stones

Weekly Goals - March 11, 2008

Results for this week:

1. Completed the first draft of "Fate's Revenge"
2. Revised one chapter of Friends in Deed

And now the goal for this week:

1. Revise two chapters of Friends in Deed

Submission status for the week:

Short stories:
"Entrapment" (since February 10)
"Redemption" (since February 29)

Aston West
novels
short stories
writing goals

Weekly Goals - March 4, 2008

This past week was a little better, even though there were some personal issues (including an excursion to our local emergency room, which could be a post in itself). When I woke up this morning, I was feeling a bit down because I'd barely done anything toward my weekly goals (even taking into account my ER trip). But tonight, I sat down and cranked out nearly 2500 words and finished a first draft. So, hopefully things can get back on track soon, or at least I hope I can springboard off tonight's success and maybe get a third first draft completed.

They say a person should always try to get the monkey off their back...but I'd rather say a person needs to get a big-mother-of-a-stone out of their kidney. That's the trick.

The results for this week:

1. Completed the first draft of "Twisted Fate"
2. Completed about 100 words on "Fate's Revenge"

And now the goals for this week:

1. Complete the first draft of "Fate's Revenge" (in one night? We'll see)
2. Revise two chapters of Friends in Deed

Submission status for the week:

Short stories:
"Genesis" (still looking for another outlet...anyone know of any Christian-based sci-fi mags?)
"Entrapment" (since February 10)
"Redemption" (rejected, re-submitted February 29)
"No Good Deed" (waiting to hear when the story comes out in Ray Gun Revival)
"Ever Dark" (rejected, looking for another reprint outlet)

Aston West
novels
short stories
writing goals
kidney stones

Weekly Goals - February 26, 2008

About the same as last week...made some progress, but didn't hit all of my weekly goals.

The results:

1. Completed the first draft of "Double Trouble"
2. Completed about 1000 words on "Twisted Fate"
3. Completed about 500 words on "Fate's Revenge" (a follow-on story to "Twisted Fate" and )

And now the goals for this week:

1. Complete the first draft of "Twisted Fate"
2. Complete the first draft of "Fate's Revenge"

Submission status for the week:

Short stories:
"Genesis" (rejected, looking for another outlet)
"Entrapment" (since February 10)
"Redemption" (since February 19)
"No Good Deed" (ACCEPTED)
"Ever Dark" (reprint, since February 14)

Aston West
novels
short stories
writing goals

Weekly Goals - February 19, 2008

A little better, but still didn't hit my weekly goals.

The results:

1. Completed approximately 3800 words and almost at the end, but first draft still unfinished.
2. Still not started.
3. Completed a revision of 3 more chapters (for a total of 5 thus far) of Friends in Deed.

And now the goals for this week:

1. Complete the first draft for my new short story, "Double Trouble"
2. Complete the first draft for a second short story

(and yes, I've removed any goals related to Death Brings the Victory)

Submission status for the week:

Short stories:
"Genesis" (since December 26)
"Entrapment" (since February 10)
"Redemption" (re-submitted February 19)
"No Good Deed" (since January 29)
"Ever Dark" (reprint, since February 14)

Aston West
novels
short stories
writing goals

Weekly Goals - February 12, 2008

Another week where I didn't hit all of my weekly goals. It's been a dismal month so far.

The results:

1. Completed approximately 2000 words, but first draft still unfinished.
2. Not even started.
3. Completed a revision of 1 more chapter (of a goal of 2) of Friends in Deed.

[On the plus side, I think the Friends in Deed revisions so far are really making it a much better story]

And now the goals for this week:

1. Complete the first draft for my new short story, "Double Trouble"
2. Complete one chapter of Death Brings the Victory
3. Complete revisions on 1 more chapter of Friends in Deed

Submission status for the week:

Submitted short stories:
"Genesis" (since December 26)
"Entrapment" (rejected, then resubmitted February 10)
"Redemption" (rejected, then resubmitted February 10)
"No Good Deed" (since January 29)

Aston West
novels
short stories
writing goals

Weekly Goals - February 5, 2008

A little better week, but still didn't hit all of my original goals.

The results:

1. Started the first draft on two new short stories, but unfinished.
2. Not even started.
3. Completed.
4. Completed revisions on 2 chapters of Friends in Deed (not included in my original goals, but completed anyway)

And now the goals for this week:

1. Complete the first draft for my new short story, "Double Trouble"
2. Complete one chapter of Death Brings the Victory
3. Complete revisions on 2 more chapters of Friends in Deed

Submission status for the week:

Submitted short stories:
"Genesis" (since December 26)
"Entrapment" (since January 13)
"Redemption" (rejected, then resubmitted February 5)
"No Good Deed" (since January 29)

Aston West
novels
short stories
writing goals

A Must For Any Writer to See

Any writer who's ever debated the notion of fan fiction will enjoy this gem from the friendly folks over at Strong Bad E-mail...

Enjoy!

Surprisingly Essential First Page Contest

I heard about a contest over at agent Nathan Bransford's blog in which each contestant posts the first 500 words of their manuscript. Here is the excerpt I posted, from my (currently in revision) manuscript Friends in Deed:

Even in the depth of my nightmares, Lycus IV was a formidable hell. The scenery misled one to think of mighty grandeur. Lush green trees lined the banks. Sporadic cloud cover offered broken views of a pale blue mountain range.

This prison planet’s terror was not found in its natural surroundings, but from its unwilling inhabitants.

A wide, slow-moving river flowed in front of me over a deep bed of rocks. My filthy clothing was ripped and shredded, and left bloody skin exposed. I gazed back across the clear, inviting water.

A bellow filled the air and I turned to look. A pale, naked giant rumbled through the brush, still yelling at the top of his lungs. High above his head, he gripped his makeshift mallet, a boulder strapped into a forked tree branch. I jumped to the side as the weapon crashed down.

He stared with one wide eye and the other glazed over. Saliva dribbled from his lips.

“I am King of the wooded realm! You dare invade my territory?”

This wasn’t a fight I planned to stick around for. Psychotics were the worst type of violent.

He hoisted his club and swung it at me. I stumbled back and it came so close I felt the breeze. I turned toward the opposite bank and sprinted across the riverbed.

“Your punishment is death! Vengeance is demanded!”

I high-stepped through calf-deep water while the beast screamed bloody murder behind me. I dared not look back, because there was no doubt he gained on me with every step.

My foot caught a cluster of rocks under the surface and I splashed down, drenched by the cool, clear water. I flipped over and faced my attacker as he left me in a cold, dark shadow. Milky-white foam oozed over his lower lip.

“Prepare to meet your maker!”

He raised the mallet high above his head. At least death would be quick, but I couldn’t say much for painless. I closed my eyes and waited for the crushing blow.

A whistle filled the air and the giant beast gasped and choked. My eyes flashed open and the beast dropped his weapon into the river behind him.

Only one object stood between me and oblivion, a homemade arrow buried in his neck. He couldn’t pull it from the front, so reached back. His mind gave up hope as soon as his fingers probed the stone tip. The monster’s eyes rolled up into his head, then fell backwards.

The corpse splashed down and huge waves rolled past me. I scrambled around and gazed at the opposite bank. There, a bow in his left hand and more arrows strapped to his back, stood the man who’d just saved my life.

Elijah Cassus.

Weekly Goals - January 29, 2008

A terrible week toward my goals...

The results:

1. Started the plotlines for two new short stories. Not completed.
2. Not even started.
3. About a third of the way finished.

And now the goals for this week:

1. Complete the first draft for two new short stories
2. Complete one chapter of Death Brings the Victory
3. Read T is for Trespass by Sue Grafton

In addition to my writing goals, I've decided to start putting up my submission status for the week:

Submitted short stories:
"Genesis" (since December 26)
"Entrapment" (since January 13)
"Redemption" (since January 26)
"No Good Deed" (since January 29)

Aston West
novels
short stories
writing goals

Success!!!

Just discovered that "Little White Truths" was a Top Ten finisher (#6, technically) in the 2007 P&E Reader's Poll. Thanks to everyone who voted, and check back often for more news on my 2008 publications...

Weekly Goals - January 22, 2008

Work is beginning to pick up, and will probably do so for the next three months, so the success I've been having lately might be on the downturn. That being said, I've completed all of my planned goals for January...

From this past week:

1. Completed one chapter of Death Brings the Victory
2. Completed the final draft of "No Good Deed" and trying to figure out where to submit.

And now the (bonus) goals for this week:

1. Complete the plotlines for two new short stories
2. Complete one chapter of Death Brings the Victory
3. Read T is for Trespass by Sue Grafton

Aston West
novels
short stories
writing goals

Weekly Goals - January 15, 2008

Depression blows...

A little bit of success this week:

1. Completed one chapter of Death Brings the Victory
2. Completed the first draft of the Heroes Die Young screenplay
3. Completed the final draft of "Entrapment" and submitted (this wasn't on my goals for the week, but I figured it needed to be listed as an accomplishment)

And now the goals for this week:

1. Complete one chapter of Death Brings the Victory
2. Complete the final draft of "No Good Deed"

Aston West
novels
short stories
writing goals

Terrific News

On the heels of my first published short story, another of my stories has now been published over at Ray Gun Revival.

Be sure to check out "Ever Dark" in the latest issue (37). Just to let you know, someone at the magazine came up with that tag line listed in the magazine. They must not have liked mine (or I forgot to put one in...that happens sometimes)

And for those who didn't get a chance to check out the first story when it was out, "Little White Truths" is still available in the RGR archives, issue 33.

Weekly Goals - January 8, 2008

So I'm a day early...sue me. :-)
(Besides, I have exciting news to share that I want to keep at the top of the page)

Had some decent success this week:

1. Completed the first draft of my new short story "Entrapment"
2. Completed about three-quarters of the first draft screenplay adaptation of Heroes Die Young
3. Completed the plotline for my short story "No Good Deed" and the first draft as well

And now the goals for this week:

1. Complete two chapters of Death Brings the Victory
2. Complete the first draft screenplay adaptation of Heroes Die Young

Aston West
novels
short stories
writing goals

Weekly Goals - January 1, 2008

Happy New Year!!!

Had much better success this week:

1. Completed first draft of "Dead Man's Forge" (although it didn't seem like the story would ever end)
2. Completed final draft of "Redemption" and submitted it to a major print publisher. We'll see how that turns out.
3. Completed one chapter of Death Brings the Victory

So, even though I go back to work tomorrow, with all the fun that entails, here are my goals for this week:

1. Complete first draft of my new short story "Entrapment"
2. Complete the (first draft) screenplay adaptation of Heroes Die Young
3. Complete the plotline for my new untitled short story.

Aston West
novels
short stories
writing goals

P&E Readers' Poll

Happy New Year to everyone!

The new year has brought a new edition of the Preditors and Editors Readers' Poll to life. My short story "Little White Truths" (from Issue 33 of Ray Gun Revival) is on the list under Science Fiction Short Stories. If you read it and enjoyed it, I'd sure appreciate your vote!

(And if you haven't read it yet, get your booty over to Ray Gun Revival and check it out (under Back Issues))

:)

Another Customer Service Rant

(I originally posted this at Absolute Write, but decided to repost this here. Two reasons: One, it's been a while since my original post on customer service...and two, to break up the monotony of weekly writing goals posts)

Long ago, I stopped visiting Kinko's because of really bizarre fees they would charge for a person to bring in digital files to print. I could go to other print shops in town and get it done for no additional charge, so why bother spending money I didn't have to.

Somewhere along the line, I decided to go back there, simply because of the 24-hour convenience (so I could stop and get copies made before work). I found out they no longer charged extra to print digital files.

Last Saturday, I went to my regular Kinko's early in the morning to avoid Christmas traffic. I had a Word document I needed to print out for some final hand-edits, and my printer has some issues which makes a 30-page document a pain-in-the-butt to print off at home. So, I went in...everything went quick and I was out with nary a problem.

Today, I was planning to go to the same Kinko's with the updated Word document. Long story short, between some other appointments and post-Christmas price hunting, I ended up near another Kinko's. To avoid making the long drive out of the way, I decided to go in and get the file printed. They took the flash drive and printed it off for me, and then gave me the bill...twice as much as the other Kinko's.

Needless to say, I was a little confused, so asked what the extra charge was for.

Apparently, they do digital files, but if it's not in PDF format, they charge you an extra fee???

When I mentioned the other store had not charged me, the clerk basically stated they were supposed to charge for it, but sometimes clerks didn't, depending on the clerk.

Not to mention, it would have been nice for the clerk to mention there would be an extra fee for printing the Word document, and was I fine with that?

So, unfortunately for them, I think I'll stick with the other print shops, where I've never been charged extra, regardless of the file types I use...the clerks stick to a predetermined system of charges...and the clerks communicate with me any extra fees that may or may not be involved before processing the order.

An Excellent Post From a Real Writer

I read a post over at Joe Konrath's blog today, and found it very enlightening as a new writer. I recommend it for anyone who truly desires to become a writer, especially the "I Will Feed My Addiction" and "I Will Never Be Satisfied" sections near the bottom of the post (at least for me...)

Enjoy!

Weekly Goals - December 25, 2007

Had a little bit better luck this week, but still didn't accomplish the goals I set out last week:

1. Completed around 5000 words on the first draft of "Dead Man's Forge" but still am not even halfway done telling the story. That's dangerous.
2. Didn't write anything toward Death Brings the Victory due to all the work toward "Dead Man's Forge."

So, here are the goals for next week (New Year's). I'm hoping being off work between now and then will help.

1. Complete first draft of "Dead Man's Forge."
2. Complete final draft of "Redemption."
3. Complete one chapter of Death Brings the Victory.

And oh yes, Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

Aston West
novels
short stories
writing goals

Weekly Goals - December 18, 2007

Didn't get a thing accomplished on my goals for last week, so the goals for this week remain the same.

1. Complete first draft of "Dead Man's Forge." (title changed)
2. Complete one chapter of Death Brings the Victory.

Aston West
novels
short stories
writing goals

Weekly Goals - December 11, 2007

(Only a day late...)

An update on last week's goals...

1. Completed.
2. Not even started.

The goals for this week are as follows:

1. Complete first draft of "Demon's Forge."
2. Complete one chapter of Death Brings the Victory.

Aston West
novels
short stories
writing goals

Weekly Goals - December 4, 2007

An update on last week's goals...

1. Completed.
2. Completed and sent to one of the many beta readers I trust.

The goals for this week are as follows:

1. Complete one chapter of Death Brings the Victory.
2. Complete one section of the plot outline for Death Brings the Victory.

Aston West
novels
short stories
writing goals

Weekly Goals - November 27, 2007

An update on last week's goals...

1. Completed.

A note on the above: It was very satisfying to be able to complete this goal, because the story was nowhere close to being finished on Saturday following Thanksgiving. The next two days, however, were extremely productive, netting around 1200 and 1500 words, respectively...allowing me to complete the first draft.

The goals for this week (easy ones, as a reward for already completing all of my goals for November) are as follows:

1. Complete the plot outline for a new short story, "Demon's Forge."
2. Work through one revision of "Redemption."

Aston West
novels
short stories
writing goals

Weekly Goals - November 20, 2007

An update on last week's goals...

1. Completed.
2. Completed.

The goal for this week (only one, being a long holiday weekend) is as follows:

1. Complete the first draft of my new short story, "Redemption.

Aston West
novels
short stories
writing goals

Mystery Settings

Apparently, when I changed my settings to turn on word verification, either I accidentally changed the settings to only allow "members of the blog" to comment, or Google changed it for me (I'm voting for the latter). In any case, don't know how many people have tried to comment recently, but it should be fixed now.

Weekly Goals - November 13, 2007

(A day late and a dollar short...)

An update on last week's goals...

1. A new chapter is in work, but hasn't been completed.
2. Completed one section of the plot outline for Death Brings the Victory.
3. Developed a rough plot for a new story (no title yet).

The goals for this week are as follows:

1. Create and input into the computer one new chapter of Death Brings the Victory.
2. Complete one section of the plot outline for Death Brings the Victory.

Aston West
novels
short stories
writing goals

"Reluctant" Heroes

The rest of the world is just now realizing this?
C'mon folks...try to keep up.

Great Fun

As much fun as it is to think your blog is popular with around 70 comments per post (and no, I didn't really believe that to be the case), I've had to turn on the word verification...

I'm pretty sure this latest round of severe attacks is taking advantage of the new "e-mail follow-up comments" fix that Blogger pushed out. Thanks a bunch!

Almost Forgot

"Little White Truths" is now officially published in Issue 33 over at Ray Gun Revival

RGR has been having server issues, so if the above link doesn't work, the owner of the magazine has pushed a backup copy onto his own site. (The link is the line of text just above the Issue 33 cover art)

Crazy 8s

Since I have no idea if this is the way I'm supposed to do it (and Jenna tagged me without proper instructions :-P ), I'll just fake it and pretend it's correct:

8 things I'm passionate about
1. Keeping my wife safe (especially from herself)
2. Writing Aston West novels and short stories
3. Airplanes
4. Good music
5. Family (especially my baby niece and nephew)
6. Football (the American kind)
7. Laughter
8. Keeping the government out of my business

8 things I want to do before I die
1. Get published by a real, honest-to-goodness publisher
2. Visit Europe (preferably without the risk of getting killed in a terrorist attack)
3. Have my stories turned into either a movie or TV series
4. Figure out the meaning of life
5. Convince my cousin that writing is not the means of therapy she thinks it is for me.
6. Have a baby (with my wife...duh)
7. See Publish America go out of business
8. Completely understand why most of my favorite shows were taken off the air.

8 things I say often
1. Cool beans
2. Sucks to be you
3. Sucks to be me
4. Did something die in here?
5. Howdy
6. Are you going to get out of bed today?
7. I think you've had enough sugar, dear
8. Later

8 books I've recently read
1. Eleven on Top
2. Trace
3. Q is for Quarry
4. Who Needs a Hero? (Okay, I was reading it in prep for a rewrite...)
5. Godforsaken
6. The Complete Guide to Self-Publishing
7. The Screenwriter's Bible
8. Schwan's Catalog - August-December 2007 (oops)

8 songs I could listen to over and over
1. Call of Cthulu (Kthulu?)
2. And Justice For All
3. One
4. Orion (I'm a sucker for Metallica instrumentals. Go figure)
5. Ice, Ice, Baby (sue me)
6. You Oughta Know
7. Only
8. Startin' up a Posse

(this one above was actually the only one where I had to pare down the list...)

8 things that attract me to my best friends
1. Honesty
2. Intelligence
3. Being Straight-Forward
4. Humor
5. Morals (some looser than others)
6. The need not to talk every second
7. Keeping in touch
8. Hard-working

8 people I think should do Crazy 8s
1. Laurel
2. Nancy (if she still even has a blog)
3. Joyce
4. Matt (welcome back)
5. Cheryl
6. Trish
7. Alphabeter
8. Frank

Weekly Goals - November 6, 2007

An update on last week's goals...

1. Completed one new chapter of Death Brings the Victory.
2. Completed the final draft and submitted "Ever Dark" to an e-zine.
(It was rejected, but was re-submitted to another e-zine)

The goals for this week are as follows:

1. Create and input into the computer one new chapter of Death Brings the Victory.
2. Complete one section of the plot outline for Death Brings the Victory.
3. Develop a rough plot for a new short story.

Aston West
novels
short stories
writing goals

Weekly Goals - October 30, 2007

Tasks were completed this week, but nothing toward my goals from last week.

The goals for this week are as follows:

1. Create and input into the computer one new chapter of Death Brings the Victory.
2. Complete the final draft and submit my latest Aston West short story "Ever Dark" to one e-zine.

Aston West
novels
short stories
writing goals

Acceptance at Last

My latest Aston West short story "Little White Truths" has been accepted by Ray Gun Revival. Check back later for more detail about when it will be published.

Weekly Goals - October 23, 2007

Absolutely nothing got worked this last week, so the goals for this week remain the same:

1. Create and input into the computer two new chapters of Death Brings the Victory.
2. Complete two "sections" of the plot outline for Death Brings the Victory.
3. Submit "Misery in Wallowing" to another e-zine. (waiting on a rejection from RGR on "Little White Truths")

Aston West
novels
short stories
writing goals

Weekly Goals - October 16, 2007

An update on last week's goals:

1. Complete the final draft of Little White Truths. [Completed, and submitted to RGR]
2. Input one new chapter of Death Brings the Victory into the computer. [Completed]
3. Complete two "sections" of the plot outline for Death Brings the Victory. [Completed]

And now for this week's goals:

1. Create and input into the computer two new chapters of Death Brings the Victory.
2. Complete two "sections" of the plot outline for Death Brings the Victory.
3. Submit "Misery in Wallowing" to another e-zine. (waiting on a rejection from RGR on "Little White Truths")

Aston West
novels
short stories
writing goals

Weekly Goals - October 9, 2007

An update on last week's goals:

1. Complete one revision of Little White Truths. [Completed multiple revisions, and the final draft is almost ready to ship out to some outlets]
2. Edit two chapters of Death Brings the Victory. [Completed]
3. Complete the next "section" of the plot outline for Death Brings the Victory. [Completed]

And now for this week's goals:

1. Complete the final draft of Little White Truths.
2. Input one new chapter of Death Brings the Victory into the computer.
3. Complete two "sections" of the plot outline for Death Brings the Victory.

Aston West
novels
short stories
writing goals

The Murky Pool

For those curious, The Agent Pool is still running...only one contestant thus far has progressed to the second round, which is sad really...

But for grins and giggles, I received a notice today from a recently added contestant

56,000 words is too slim for a novel. You need 85-100K. So I’m going to pass.

Which is especially interesting, considering the contestant who progressed to the second round had no issue (as far as I know) with the low word count...

Go figure.

Aston West
agents

Weekly Goals - October 2, 2007

I've set up five monthly goals for October over at Absolute Write. In order to meet these goals, I'm going to break them down into weekly goals here on my blog. As well as getting my butt moving towards those goals ahead of the last week of the month, it also gives me an excuse to keep my blog posts churning...

So, here goes:

1. Complete one revision of Little White Truths.
2. Edit two chapters of Death Brings the Victory.
3. Complete the next "section" of the plot outline for Death Brings the Victory.

I plan to complete all three of these goals by next Tuesday, October 9.

Three Weeks

Three weeks since my last post? Yikes!

Just a quick update:

The Hero re-write, now entitled Heroes Die Young, is in contract negotiations with a small publisher. Looks like there may be new life breathed into it after all...

FID is still out there, waiting for me to do another edit on it. I'm hesitant, since it's also in the hands of an agent who had requested some sample chapters a few weeks back. It wouldn't do me much good to start in on an edit, and then have a request for the full manuscript come in within days.

On a related note, when the request for sample chapters came in, it was accompanied by a request for a 3-8 page synopsis. Go figure, all I had was the 1-page variety I had to send with most of my queries. That was a long night...

Misery in Wallowing was rejected, but the magazine I last sent it to indicated they'd like to see additional work from me (MiW didn't seem to "go anywhere" with its story). So, I've been playing with another short story concept. We'll see how that turns out.

I'm back into DBV now. In order to get myself re-acclimated with the story, I'm going through and editing each of the chapters I wrote months (years?) ago. So far, I've finished three and am in the middle of the fourth.

It never ends...

An update

Just an update from my previous post:

The Hero re-write is complete. I'm now polishing up the query and synopsis before sending it around. I am stumbling across how to mention the book's previous "publisher" in the query.

Genesis was rejected. The particulars of the story really demand it goes to certain outlets, of which there are very few.

Misery in Wallowing has now been polished and submitted to another e-zine.

Hopefully, I'll maintain the pace and keep things moving. I've been pondering some additional Aston West short stories, so we'll see how that goes.

Happier News

Since much of the past month or more has been filled with rather "down" news (and since I haven't heard word one in weeks from the Agent Pool), I figured I'd create a post with some of the happier accomplishments:

My novels

The Hero Re-Write - Currently in the "polishing" stage. I hope to be finished with this by Labor Day.

FID - Finished, but will probably have another polish edit or two. It's currently being shopped around to some agents, but nothing has come back positive thus far.

DBV - The plot outline is around half-complete, and around 8 chapters have been worked. My vacation this past week spawned a tremendous amount of work on the outline.

My shorts
(short stories)

Misery in Wallowing - Completed, but needs a thorough edit. I plan to submit this to an e-zine once completed.

Genesis (my only completed work not featuring Aston West) - Completed and submitted to an e-zine.

So, hopefully the progress will continue (and hopefully I'll have a few more ideas for short stories). We'll see what happens.

Addendum to a Shitty Day

Had a meeting with our case worker yesterday, to get answers to the multitude of questions we had.

Turns out the decision to remove the children had been made the previous Friday, when she had come out to talk with us. It also turns out they are TAUGHT to mislead families when children are going to be removed (direct admission from our case worker).

And is it any wonder why there's always a shortage of foster families?

Rather Poor Form

It's been a while since any of the contestants have done much to win the hearts of the judges in the Agent Pool competition. Today is no different.

Witness Agent 19, who bowed out today:

Dear Writer,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, your project is not right for the agency at this time.

Best of luck to you as you seek representation.

Warmest regards,

Agent [Okay, this line was my modification, to preserve anonymity...but fit with the first line, I thought]

Now, canned responses are nothing new. However, at least the others have programs which input the first name (or last) of the author in question. We'll ignore the fact that on their site, they even make the claim that if they're interested, you should expect a response...implying that if they're not interested, you shouldn't expect one. I'm not sure I would have been any more insulted by not receiving a response at all...

"Dear Writer"?

Do they adjust the response based on what they see in the query?

Dear Cash Cow...
Dear Author...
Dear Writer...
Dear Biped...
Dear Amoeba...

And since our last short response made it through the Translator with little for our efforts, we've made some minor adjustments. The moment you've all been waiting for:

Dear Nobody,

We hope our generic response has been enough to dissuade you from ever sending us future work for review. [it has] Space pirates are never going to be a big sell to the established houses, and to think it ever will be goes to show how naive you really are.

Keep searching for representation. Eventually you'll stumble across a scammer willing to take it on and you'll count yourself lucky.

Hope you burn in hell for sending us this dreck,

A Really Important Agent

Anyway, stay tuned next time for the latest episode of the Agent Pool...

A Shitty Day

It would have to be a Monday, too...

Started off this morning at work, when one of my most valuable employees gave me his two weeks' notice...

I can't fault him, because he's wanted to go back home, and the opportunity availed itself. I wish him well, and know that he's going to treated far better by the corporate entity he's going to versus the one we currently work for.

Then, I received a phone call from my wife later in the morning. Our little five-year old has taken to increasingly violent and destructive behaviors, and nothing seems to help. It doesn't help that the social services system in this state is completely screwed up.

(I'm about to go on a major rant now)

So, when we decided to go into foster care, we knew that we were getting into something very deep. So, we wanted to set ourselves up for only receiving one child, in order to ease ourselves into this new world.

Our agency persuaded us to get approved for two, telling us that it would be very difficult to get it changed later. I still have my doubts about that, considering they wanted to send us a third after a short time with two. (the only thing saving us at that point was the state regulation that temporary licenses, of which we had at the time, did not allow us such an exemption...where a permanent license would)

So, without getting into details, the five-year old had serious issues with the amount of attention the infant was getting (since infants require more attention by nature). But it was hard for us to know which behaviors were normal for five-year olds, and which were as a result of tying to garner attention.

So, we asked our case worker for assistance...and she gave us a CRAP video that had to have been filmed in the late 70s. Not only did this NOT help in teaching us normal 5-year old behaviors, but it serious made us wonder whether anyone was even paying attention to our cries for help.

So, we continued on the way we were doing things, with zero help from any of the parties involved. The only thing they wanted from us was to sign up as an adoption resource. If we weren't going to help them with their ultimate plans, it seemed as though we were on our own.

An incident occurred recently which required our case worker to step in, mainly because the behaviors increased in severity, and no one was there to help us. We were directed in a specific fashion how we were to react to any behaviors the five-year old had.

The very next day, my wife called the case worker to ask for assistance on how to deal with a particular behavior. The case worker came and retrieved the child, presumably to watch her for the afternoon.

When the child was returned that evening, we were told the children were being removed. No advance warning, nothing.

Personally, I have to wonder if those in the social services system actually get their jollies ripping people's hearts out after driving the horse into the lake themselves.

Add on top of that, the entire time we were gathering the kids' belongings and trying to place them in their case worker's car (another post for another day, the need for a bloated system where 2 children require around 8-10 workers), we were in the middle of a torrential downpour that lasted for probably an hour.

All in all, a shitty day.

Double-Dose

While we pump all the standing oil out of the Agent Pool (though we had the idea of using it for wrestling matches), a quick recap of the highlights this week:

Two more agents failed to make the cut.

Agent 12 unfortunately sent a response so short that the Author-ese Translator didn't even realize it was reading an agent response before it shredded the thing to pieces (apparently we need to make extra copies beforehand).

Agent 18 on the other hand, gave a similar response to some of the others who try to make you feel worthwhile and offer hope that another agent may be out there for you (just not them).

But then, a glimmer of hope on the horizon...an actual piece of (I have to assume) manually-generated response hidden almost out of sight:

This feels like adult Star Trek in spots with vocabulary and word wit, but then it has a fun silliness that feels more like MG than YA... I’m not sure the voice quite fits for the YA tone I’m looking for.

A couple of thoughts (since the Translator doesn't have a clue how to work on manual verbiage):

1. This is the first time my work has ever been compared to Star Trek. I can honestly say that every other comparison has ALWAYS been to Star Wars. Now, it could be that Agent 18 doesn't realize there's a difference.

2. I'm going to assume MG stands for Middle Grade? Wouldn't that be kids younger than Young Adult? I've had responses that indicate it may have too much violence for Young Adult as it is. Granted, there's not much of that in the first chapter (which was all Agent 18 received)...

But on the plus side, it was feedback...and that's a start. Hopefully the other contestants will take this into consideration for their future efforts.

So, time to get back to work...anybody have a match so I could make quick work of it?

When Fiction and Reality Collide

It's always interesting to see how fiction and reality can co-exist...

As an example, from the (hopefully) upcoming novel Friends in Deed:

Small, round vehicles hovered idly at the edge of the walkway, all along the length of the building. Each had a dome of tinted glass, and a ring of yellow metal formed a doughnut around the passenger compartment. Travelers exited the terminal and entered vehicles with open doors. The door would close and the vehicle hovered down the road.

Then I read something eerily familiar this morning.

Uncanny...

Little Gremlins

Apparently little gremlins have hacked into the control center and plastered pictures of themselves on everything.

Witness this...the traditional goodbye speech from Agent 18:

Please forgive this impersonal note but the high volume of correspondence makes it difficult for us to respond to you personally. Thank you for your query. Unfortunately it doesn’t match what we are looking for at this time. We hope other agents feel differently.

Within this message, I also received my original message, which included such statements as:

I wondered why she was so curious. “I spat in his face.”

R20;IR17;m telling you, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
(One of my personal favorites by the way)

My only hope is that the original message wasn't received this way. Yikes.

But then, the synopsis was almost perfectly clear of these little gremlins, so...

Pool Sharks

A few more contestants have gone missing, with the actual names a bit hard to determine. Dismembered body parts in the surf have made the identification process tougher than usual. Another item we found was a sign - "Sharks / No Swimming" - which had a few large chunks taken out. Now that we've replaced the sign, we hope things will be a little more stable.

The executive producers for Survivor: The Agent Pool have decided to add a few more contestants into the mix so they could make the viewers happy. A big welcome to the newbies, and happy hunting.

Stay out of the water.

In Other News

Agent 2 walked out into the surf, high tide came and went, and not a sign to be seen. I guess that means Agent 2 is hereby eliminated from the competition.

Recently, on a message board I frequent, I was suggesting the idea of putting my first book (which was released from the clutches of an evil trinity who shall remain nameless) out on Lulu, for free, in order to get people interested in my storytelling prior to FID being published.

Well, another user (who I know) suggested I should take the story to an e-publisher instead, and make a few bucks.

Personally, I don't really care to make any money off it, but the idea intrigued me nonetheless. So, I've set off on a wild adventure to re-edit the original manuscript (something I said I'd never do, of course) and see what happens.

It might still end up on Lulu for free, but we'll have to wait and see.

More From the Agent Pool

Sadly, Agent 4 has been eliminated from the competition. But playing the optimist, here we have the final lines of what is normally the traditional goodbye speech:

There are numerous excellent agents that might be the right fit for your manuscript. Don't give up!

Some background, while we wait for the Translator to warm up...

Of all the agents in the competition, this one seemed the oddest, as Agent 4 wanted to see 50 pages of the manuscript with the query. I admire Agent 4 for being brave enough to wade through 50 pages of slush, or at least subject a reader to 50 pages of slush, on a regular basis (and since it took a week to get the response, I'll assume for the sake of argument they read the whole 50 pages). However, one would think that someone could see what an author is truly made of in 5-10 pages as much as they could in 50. The mind boggles.

Okay, time for the Translator to work its magic:

Much like in high school when you were strung along with these old adages:
"The worst thing they can do is say no."
"There are plenty of fish in the sea."
"Those girls don't know what they're missing."
And on and on and on...
We really don't want to depress you, because the worst thing in the world is a depressed author. So, please accept our attempt at making you feel better, and truly believe there will be an agent (or publisher) for you out there somewhere.

I feel better already...

A Word From Our Sponsors

Since there's a lull in the action, let's take a moment to explain the rationale behind this recent foray into self-deprecation.

Many may see (and have, judging by some comments) this as bizarre behavior, mocking oneself and their attempt to get published (or in this case, get an agent so one can get published).

Personally, writing is not my day job, and likely won't become one for many years to come. I think, given the chance (and the appropriate behavior by publishers who don't hail from Frederick, Maryland) , I would do well as an author. I have mad book signing skills, I seem to have some draw across age groups, gender lines, and readers of different genre; and the fan base seems to expand without me even trying anymore.

But being an engineer, I have this knack for numbers, probabilities, and determination of reality. Though it would excite me to get a honest-to-goodness publisher, my hopes are not high. Thus, I like to poke fun at myself and my exploits in this life called authorship.

Even more may ask themselves why I post excerpts from rejections (I've also been known to take submission guidelines and run them through as well...).

Could it upset the agents who sent those rejections to me (if they stumbled across my blog and saw them)? Possibly...but hopefully they will see it in the true spirit of self-mocking (and mocking of this entire adventure) it is.

Doesn't it upset me to get rejections? Not really...because one would have to think that space pirates would actually be something publishers wanted to sell to believe a contract could be forthcoming. In all actuality, getting accepted would be a big surprise (welcome, but still a surprise).

The Author-ese Translator, though, is real, I'm afraid. (which is another reason why I don't fret the little things like rejections...especially the form ones)

And since we're now marketing the Ae-T (to pay for all the beta reader copies of FID we gave out), here are a few blasts from the past for your enjoyment and amusement (and mine).

(Sorry, with the transfer over to the new blog, all the old comments got wiped out...)

More From The Translator
The Translator on OT
Submission Guidelines, Translated (my personal favorite, by the way)

And hopefully we'll see some action here in the next few days...unless the remaining agents have all read my blog and made a blood pact not to send me anything to run through the translator...

The Saga Continues

A little more action today in Survivor: The Agent Pool for our viewers. Look for a cameo spot by the Author-ese Translator later...

Agent 1 is out of the competition. In the traditional good-bye speech, Agent 1 lamented:

As to your material I'm afraid I must pass -- I'm just not enthusiastic enough about the premise of your story to feel that I'd be the right agent for the project.

The translator has been fitted with new industrial-strength bearings after the last snafu, and is ready for anything...

*chug, chug, chug*

Space pirates? What the hell are you thinking, fool? Nobody writes about space pirates. Nobody outside of maybe really BAD Pirates of the Caribbean fanfic...

And then moves on...

I realize it is difficult to judge your potential from a query; nevertheless please know that I give serious attention to every letter, outline, and writing sample I receive. Sorry I couldn't give you a more positive reply.

*whirrrrrrrrrrr*

It took me a whole of maybe 30 minutes of attention to realize this book was going to suck big hairy donkey balls...a more positive reply would have required more time than I was actually willing to spend on this dreck.

So sorry, Agent 1...better luck next time. As a parting gift, please accept these slightly worn bearings for an Author-ese Translator.

Agent 6 rounds out our highlight reel today, setting off the Translator's early detection & warning initiation (EDWIN) system. With this fabulous upgrade, the Translator can actually read through responses and alert the user to when it should require translation. This frees up the user to work on crappy query letters and synopses for sending out to the masses (also known as tossing chum in the water) instead of sorting through responses and making his or her own decisions on what should be translated.

As you may know, I run a very small business and unfortunately there are periods when the time that I have to consider new material is very limited. Unfortunately you've caught me during one of those periods. Since I can not offer to consider your work in a timely manner I must pass with the hope that you will find an agent who can offer the attention that this deserves.

EDWIN was tipped off by the fact Agent 6 noted the package came at the wrong time, but never alluded to what time might be better, followed up by a claim of passing on the project due to not being able to consider the work in a timely manner.

The translator is not impressed...and has now fulfilled its mandatory warm-up cycle.

30 minutes was way too much time for me to look through this package (only a query), so I cut it down to about 30 seconds. I saw your first bit about space pirates and asked myself "WTF? Nobody writes about space pirates. What the hell were you thinking?" If I act fast, maybe you'll pass along this dreck to one of my other larger competitors and drag them down into the slush pile abyss...

3 down...the action is just heating up.
Tune in tomorrow and see more highlights as they're piped into the clubhouse...

And They're Off...

It's been an exciting day here in the clubhouse as we've been watching the action out there in the first day of Survivor: the Agent Pool...

Highlights of the day:

1) Kudos and bonus points to Agents 3 and 8 for actually knowing how to use the Out of Office feature on their e-mail programs. After dealing with people at work who suffer from Outlook disabilities (similar to PowerPoint disabilities as covered in classic Dilbert cartoons), it's refreshing to know that at least some of our contestants have the ability to use technology correctly.

2) Negative points to Agent 2 whose Out of Office feature responded followed by another automated response later in the day which stated not to expect anything if I don't hear back in two weeks. Poor form, poor form...

3) Big kudos to Agent 10. It's not often that one receives a response that cuts through the BS and simply states "Sorry, not right for me." Although sad to see Agent 10 out of the contest, it was fun to watch while it lasted.

Now, it's time to go work on the Author-ese Translator...I think it may have thrown out a couple of bearings on that last one, as it had no idea what to do when offered a response that really didn't need a translation.

Survivor: The Agent Pool

Well, you've heard me talk about it. Now it's nearing the time when the rubber hits the road (or the plasma hits the injectors?). We have 13 agents, all vying for the chance at a one million dollar jackpot* in representing Friends in Deed.

To keep everyone from being mobbed by the media during this event, we'll have to keep their identities anonymous for the duration of the game. All references to the contestants will be by number (Agent 1, Agent 2, etc.).

Expect a number of guest stars to appear throughout the course of the games, including everyone's favorite, The Author-ese Translator.

Betting on the results, though discouraged, is allowed, but only in those locations where gambling is legal.

Enjoy your barbeques and family gatherings this weekend. The contest starts Tuesday.

*Estimated. Actual results may vary.

The Grandpa Gene

I have made an important discovery in the field of genetics recently, and wanted to share with the world.

The trouble is, this gene does not get passed on from parent to child, as with most genetic exchanges, but rather from infant to grandparent.

An ordinary, everyday man can hold their first grandchild, and the genetic exchange has immediately taken place. This ordinary man undergoes a genetic mutation, through which he loses all memory of past experience, and is converted into a instant pacifist / apologist.

I began to suspect my father had undergone such a transformation a few years back when one of my siblings (for the sake of time and sanity, I'll refrain from trying to explain the logistics of how they're related to me) had a child, and he became a grandpa for the first time.

Small things began to change. Suddenly, he became rather kind-hearted toward others and less upset (but not to where he never does) by the small things in life.

But it was not until we became foster parents that the truth behind the mutation had come forth. For months, he has spoken with me about the way in which we attempt to mold the young child's (not the infant) behavior through corrective techniques, claiming that all kids are like her.

The final piece of evidence in the puzzle, however, was the other day, when he made a statement about how "all kids are like that. You were a kid once, too, you know."

I call bulls---.

One must realize, when I was a child (perhaps a little older, but not by much), that my behavior had to be top notch. If I backtalked, ignored, or disobeyed instructions by either of my parents, woe to my backside...spankings were threatened, and then carried out (sometimes with a belt). There was no way I would stomp through the house in anger (at least not until I was a teenager, which is a separate post entirely). And if even a hint of a raised voice was in the air, I knew enough to stop what I might be doing and figure out how I needed to correct my behavior.

Of course, with foster care regulations the way they are, spankings are not an option, so other negative consequences have to be enacted (timeouts, removal of toys, removal of priveleges, etc.). One thing I do know is that with spankings, I had a lot of disincentive for misbehavior.

At least I knew (learned) enough to try and misbehave when:
a) my parents weren't around,
b) there was no way of them knowing what I'd done, and
c) there would be no physical evidence that my brother and I had whooped the s--- out of each other.

But when I hear my father try to gloss over my childhood behavior (and punishments in particular), it confirms my fears that he has been genetically mutated by

The Grandpa Gene

Thinking? Since When?

As I mentioned over at his blog, I'm still trying to figure out where my blog makes anyone think...but Rob decided to tag my blog to receive the Thinking Blogger Award.



Um, thanks Rob?

Now, since I’ve been tagged, I must:

1) List five blogs that make me think

This is a toughie, since I rarely get enough time to check out blogs anymore. But I have seen a few in recent memory that qualify for the award.

Fireflies in the Cloud

PostSecret (which qualifies on a weekly basis, even though I can't post a comment...)

Laurel Johnson Blogs?

Zonked Out

Blue Attitude

2) Link to the initiating post of this meme.

3) Proudly display the 'Thinking Blogger Award' with a link to the post that warranted it. (Which I've already done in the sidebar)

Now, it's back to trying to work up some confidence and get a few queries out.

On a Lighter Note...

Many of you have probably seen my posts about my current WIP, Friends in Deed. In some of the more distant ones (which after rummaging through my archives a moment, seem to have been posted over at my old blog and never got transferred over), you might remember a particular section of the story which was always a thorn in my side. Each and every time I would go through it, it always seemed to stall out my progress, and weeks (months) would pass before I could finally dig my way out into the later portions of the story.

Thankfully, in this most recent round of (hopefully final) edits, it appears that things have finally settled down, since I breezed through it fairly quickly.

So, there may be hope for me yet.

Next up:

Trying to figure out how to write that magic query letter which will spawn a massive bidding war.

((or))

How to convince agents and publishers that they need another poster child for an author success story once the last Harry Potter novel releases and Rowling becomes a has-been.