30 June 2007

Little Gremlins

Apparently little gremlins have hacked into the control center and plastered pictures of themselves on everything.

Witness this...the traditional goodbye speech from Agent 18:

Please forgive this impersonal note but the high volume of correspondence makes it difficult for us to respond to you personally. Thank you for your query. Unfortunately it doesn’t match what we are looking for at this time. We hope other agents feel differently.
Within this message, I also received my original message, which included such statements as:

I wondered why she was so curious. “I spat in his face.”

R20;IR17;m telling you, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
(One of my personal favorites by the way)
My only hope is that the original message wasn't received this way. Yikes.

But then, the synopsis was almost perfectly clear of these little gremlins, so...

23 June 2007

Pool Sharks

A few more contestants have gone missing, with the actual names a bit hard to determine. Dismembered body parts in the surf have made the identification process tougher than usual. Another item we found was a sign - "Sharks / No Swimming" - which had a few large chunks taken out. Now that we've replaced the sign, we hope things will be a little more stable.

The executive producers for Survivor: The Agent Pool have decided to add a few more contestants into the mix so they could make the viewers happy. A big welcome to the newbies, and happy hunting.

Stay out of the water.

15 June 2007

In Other News

Agent 2 walked out into the surf, high tide came and went, and not a sign to be seen. I guess that means Agent 2 is hereby eliminated from the competition.

Recently, on a message board I frequent, I was suggesting the idea of putting my first book (which was released from the clutches of an evil trinity who shall remain nameless) out on Lulu, for free, in order to get people interested in my storytelling prior to FID being published.

Well, another user (who I know) suggested I should take the story to an e-publisher instead, and make a few bucks.

Personally, I don't really care to make any money off it, but the idea intrigued me nonetheless. So, I've set off on a wild adventure to re-edit the original manuscript (something I said I'd never do, of course) and see what happens.

It might still end up on Lulu for free, but we'll have to wait and see.

06 June 2007

More From the Agent Pool

Sadly, Agent 4 has been eliminated from the competition. But playing the optimist, here we have the final lines of what is normally the traditional goodbye speech:
There are numerous excellent agents that might be the right fit for your manuscript. Don't give up!
Some background, while we wait for the Translator to warm up...

Of all the agents in the competition, this one seemed the oddest, as Agent 4 wanted to see 50 pages of the manuscript with the query. I admire Agent 4 for being brave enough to wade through 50 pages of slush, or at least subject a reader to 50 pages of slush, on a regular basis (and since it took a week to get the response, I'll assume for the sake of argument they read the whole 50 pages). However, one would think that someone could see what an author is truly made of in 5-10 pages as much as they could in 50. The mind boggles.

Okay, time for the Translator to work its magic:

Much like in high school when you were strung along with these old adages:
"The worst thing they can do is say no."
"There are plenty of fish in the sea."
"Those girls don't know what they're missing."
And on and on and on...
We really don't want to depress you, because the worst thing in the world is a depressed author. So, please accept our attempt at making you feel better, and truly believe there will be an agent (or publisher) for you out there somewhere.

I feel better already...

05 June 2007

A Word From Our Sponsors

Since there's a lull in the action, let's take a moment to explain the rationale behind this recent foray into self-deprecation.

Many may see (and have, judging by some comments) this as bizarre behavior, mocking oneself and their attempt to get published (or in this case, get an agent so one can get published).

Personally, writing is not my day job, and likely won't become one for many years to come. I think, given the chance (and the appropriate behavior by publishers who don't hail from Frederick, Maryland) , I would do well as an author. I have mad book signing skills, I seem to have some draw across age groups, gender lines, and readers of different genre; and the fan base seems to expand without me even trying anymore.

But being an engineer, I have this knack for numbers, probabilities, and determination of reality. Though it would excite me to get a honest-to-goodness publisher, my hopes are not high. Thus, I like to poke fun at myself and my exploits in this life called authorship.

Even more may ask themselves why I post excerpts from rejections (I've also been known to take submission guidelines and run them through as well...).

Could it upset the agents who sent those rejections to me (if they stumbled across my blog and saw them)? Possibly...but hopefully they will see it in the true spirit of self-mocking (and mocking of this entire adventure) it is.

Doesn't it upset me to get rejections? Not really...because one would have to think that space pirates would actually be something publishers wanted to sell to believe a contract could be forthcoming. In all actuality, getting accepted would be a big surprise (welcome, but still a surprise).

The Author-ese Translator, though, is real, I'm afraid. (which is another reason why I don't fret the little things like rejections...especially the form ones)

And since we're now marketing the Ae-T (to pay for all the beta reader copies of FID we gave out), here are a few blasts from the past for your enjoyment and amusement (and mine).

(Sorry, with the transfer over to the new blog, all the old comments got wiped out...)

More From The Translator
The Translator on OT
Submission Guidelines, Translated (my personal favorite, by the way)

And hopefully we'll see some action here in the next few days...unless the remaining agents have all read my blog and made a blood pact not to send me anything to run through the translator...