Now, I've never had children, and my parents died long long ago, but I've observed other people raising children for a while. In that way, I've learned a few things about parenting skills, what works and what doesn't.
Is it possible to see (not witness, thankfully) a baby be born and think that it's going to be all screwed up in life, based solely on the parenting skills (or lack thereof) of the parent(s?) involved??
Personally, I hold great pity for the child, because she didn't choose the life she was born into.
Let's just hope she can overcome her circumstances...
Aston West
children
29 October 2006
23 October 2006
Translating Machine on OT
(Reposted from the Midwestern Writer Wannabe blog)
As previously mentioned, I found a nifty little program that translates into author-ese. I recently received word back from another of the agencies I submitted to (this, after having to prompt them about my submission...which was the instruction given in their submission criteria):
The original message (edited for privacy):
Quote:
We greatly appreciate your submission, and have given [it] careful consideration. Unfortunately, your project is not a good fit for us at this time.
We wish you the best of luck in finding an enthusiastic agent and in your writing career. Again, thank you for thinking of [us]."
After carefully crunching it through the software:
Translated Quote:
We didn't actually notice your submission for two months, until you sent the follow-up e-mail. Then we scrambled to go find it in our files.
Unfortunately, we read about two or three paragraphs and thought it sucked. Maybe it gets better later in the story, but that was all we could stomach. Sorry about that.
(But come on, space pirates? What the hell are you thinking?)
If there's anyone out there who will take on your manuscript, then you've got to be the luckiest bastard on Earth. But odds are, you'd really be wasting your time in continuing to propagate this garbage. But thanks for taking up our bandwidth anyway."
Is it any wonder I contemplate self-publication so often?
As previously mentioned, I found a nifty little program that translates into author-ese. I recently received word back from another of the agencies I submitted to (this, after having to prompt them about my submission...which was the instruction given in their submission criteria):
The original message (edited for privacy):
Quote:
We greatly appreciate your submission, and have given [it] careful consideration. Unfortunately, your project is not a good fit for us at this time.
We wish you the best of luck in finding an enthusiastic agent and in your writing career. Again, thank you for thinking of [us]."
After carefully crunching it through the software:
Translated Quote:
We didn't actually notice your submission for two months, until you sent the follow-up e-mail. Then we scrambled to go find it in our files.
Unfortunately, we read about two or three paragraphs and thought it sucked. Maybe it gets better later in the story, but that was all we could stomach. Sorry about that.
(But come on, space pirates? What the hell are you thinking?)
If there's anyone out there who will take on your manuscript, then you've got to be the luckiest bastard on Earth. But odds are, you'd really be wasting your time in continuing to propagate this garbage. But thanks for taking up our bandwidth anyway."
Is it any wonder I contemplate self-publication so often?
More from the Author-ese Translator
(Reposted from the Midwestern Writer Wannabe blog)
This is a lot more fun than actually getting accepted, by the way...
The original text (edited for privacy) appears, followed by the translated version in double parentheses...
"Dear Author:"
((Forgive us, but our automated response software isn't capable of pulling your name out of your query, so.........))
"Thank you so much for sending [us] your query."
((We really need to find a way to get our agency off those lists out there. Any schmuck off the street can find us.))
"We’d like to apologize in advance for this standard rejection letter."
((It's your own fault for querying us in the first place.))
"The volume of queries as of late has been too overwhelming to personalize our response anymore."
((Man, we LOVE this automated response software. It picks keywords out of your e-mail query, and instantly does most of the guesswork in sweeping slush out of our files. Every agency should have this stuff. Oh, who are we kidding? They already do.))
"Rest assured, we do read every query letter carefully and although your work sounds intriguing, we’re sorry to say that we don't believe we are the right agency for you."
((We almost got that out with a straight face. Read your work? Where in the world would we find the time?))
"You deserve an enthusiastic representative, so we recommend that you pursue other agents. After all, it just takes one "yes" and with so many different opinions out there, you could easily find the right match."
((If there's anyone out there who will take on your manuscript, then you've got to be the luckiest bastard on Earth. But odds are, you'd really be wasting your time in continuing to propagate this garbage. But thanks for taking up our bandwidth anyway.
Did we mention that "space pirate" is one of those sequences of keywords that gets instantly tagged by our slushkiller software))
[No, you're not seeing things...that IS word-for-word from the last rejection letter. The Translator(TM) does not lie.]
"Good luck with all your publishing endeavors."
((You're going to need it.))
This is a lot more fun than actually getting accepted, by the way...
The original text (edited for privacy) appears, followed by the translated version in double parentheses...
"Dear Author:"
((Forgive us, but our automated response software isn't capable of pulling your name out of your query, so.........))
"Thank you so much for sending [us] your query."
((We really need to find a way to get our agency off those lists out there. Any schmuck off the street can find us.))
"We’d like to apologize in advance for this standard rejection letter."
((It's your own fault for querying us in the first place.))
"The volume of queries as of late has been too overwhelming to personalize our response anymore."
((Man, we LOVE this automated response software. It picks keywords out of your e-mail query, and instantly does most of the guesswork in sweeping slush out of our files. Every agency should have this stuff. Oh, who are we kidding? They already do.))
"Rest assured, we do read every query letter carefully and although your work sounds intriguing, we’re sorry to say that we don't believe we are the right agency for you."
((We almost got that out with a straight face. Read your work? Where in the world would we find the time?))
"You deserve an enthusiastic representative, so we recommend that you pursue other agents. After all, it just takes one "yes" and with so many different opinions out there, you could easily find the right match."
((If there's anyone out there who will take on your manuscript, then you've got to be the luckiest bastard on Earth. But odds are, you'd really be wasting your time in continuing to propagate this garbage. But thanks for taking up our bandwidth anyway.
Did we mention that "space pirate" is one of those sequences of keywords that gets instantly tagged by our slushkiller software))
[No, you're not seeing things...that IS word-for-word from the last rejection letter. The Translator(TM) does not lie.]
"Good luck with all your publishing endeavors."
((You're going to need it.))
Submission Guidelines, Translated
(Reposted from the Midwestern Writer Wannabe blog)
So, as you may have guessed, my WIP is still on the submission train to nowhere.
I do find many of the submission guidelines interesting, though, and have found a nifty little program that translates them into author-ese.
1. Do not submit work electronically or on any kind of electronic media. In fact, don't submit it at all. That makes our slush readers' jobs a lot easier all around.
2. Address your submissions to XXXX. This won't be the person who reads your submission, but it makes you feel better. If you knew who was really reading your submission, it would only depress you, and the last thing we want to deal with is a depressed author.
3. No simultaneous submissions. No, we don't know what it really means either. But it gives us another good reason to reject your piece.
6. Send a cover letter. There's no standard for this cover letter, but we know everyone out there will have their own opinions on what should be in it. This is one of the few joys we have in this business, watching people fall all over themselves telling each other how it should be done.
(You'll notice that we skipped requirements #4 and #5. These are our super-secret requirements that would assure your publication, which is why we can't show you.)
7. We can't be held responsible for any lost manuscripts. We'll blame the Post Office, because we can. If we can't, then we'll blame it on the fact you didn't put your personal information on every page of the manuscript, cover letter, query, and any other assorted documents. If we can't do that, then we'll blame it on an intern and ask you to send us your query again.
8. Allow at least six months to hear back from us. This gives us a better rationalization for any excuses we may come up with per requirement #7.
9. Print your manuscript on an actual printer. Crayon, magic marker, and other assorted writing utensils will be accepted, but only so we can hang it on the bathroom walls for folks to laugh at.
10. Don't use any fancy formatting, even if you really want it or think it needs to be there. We're going to have the whole thing re-edited anyway, even if we do accept your work. The same holds true for the title - don't stress about it, because we're going to completely change it.
So, as you may have guessed, my WIP is still on the submission train to nowhere.
I do find many of the submission guidelines interesting, though, and have found a nifty little program that translates them into author-ese.
1. Do not submit work electronically or on any kind of electronic media. In fact, don't submit it at all. That makes our slush readers' jobs a lot easier all around.
2. Address your submissions to XXXX. This won't be the person who reads your submission, but it makes you feel better. If you knew who was really reading your submission, it would only depress you, and the last thing we want to deal with is a depressed author.
3. No simultaneous submissions. No, we don't know what it really means either. But it gives us another good reason to reject your piece.
6. Send a cover letter. There's no standard for this cover letter, but we know everyone out there will have their own opinions on what should be in it. This is one of the few joys we have in this business, watching people fall all over themselves telling each other how it should be done.
(You'll notice that we skipped requirements #4 and #5. These are our super-secret requirements that would assure your publication, which is why we can't show you.)
7. We can't be held responsible for any lost manuscripts. We'll blame the Post Office, because we can. If we can't, then we'll blame it on the fact you didn't put your personal information on every page of the manuscript, cover letter, query, and any other assorted documents. If we can't do that, then we'll blame it on an intern and ask you to send us your query again.
8. Allow at least six months to hear back from us. This gives us a better rationalization for any excuses we may come up with per requirement #7.
9. Print your manuscript on an actual printer. Crayon, magic marker, and other assorted writing utensils will be accepted, but only so we can hang it on the bathroom walls for folks to laugh at.
10. Don't use any fancy formatting, even if you really want it or think it needs to be there. We're going to have the whole thing re-edited anyway, even if we do accept your work. The same holds true for the title - don't stress about it, because we're going to completely change it.
Politics in all its Wisdom
Politics amuse me.
On my home planet, we still exist under a monarchy of sorts, so this entire voting process is foreign to me. As such, it boggles my mind how nasty and vile the various candidates can become.
Case in point, the race for Attorney General in Kansas between the Republican incumbent and the Democratic challenger.
As with the earlier race, this one has included some vicious claims about each other.
This race has even gotten national attention, mainly from the fact that the incumbent ran into opposition over his desire to review medical records to prosecute child rape cases...
To make matters even more interesting, apparently the Democratic challenger used to be a Republican, and switched parties to run against the incumbent. And then, a former Republican Attorney General endorsed him.
And then, to make an exciting race even more exciting, if the Republican incumbent loses the race, he could end up taking the job left vacant by his Democratic challenger.
As I said before, this whole politics thing amuses me.
Aston West
Attorney General
Politics
On my home planet, we still exist under a monarchy of sorts, so this entire voting process is foreign to me. As such, it boggles my mind how nasty and vile the various candidates can become.
Case in point, the race for Attorney General in Kansas between the Republican incumbent and the Democratic challenger.
As with the earlier race, this one has included some vicious claims about each other.
This race has even gotten national attention, mainly from the fact that the incumbent ran into opposition over his desire to review medical records to prosecute child rape cases...
To make matters even more interesting, apparently the Democratic challenger used to be a Republican, and switched parties to run against the incumbent. And then, a former Republican Attorney General endorsed him.
And then, to make an exciting race even more exciting, if the Republican incumbent loses the race, he could end up taking the job left vacant by his Democratic challenger.
As I said before, this whole politics thing amuses me.
Aston West
Attorney General
Politics
20 October 2006
Shacking Up
Aston suggested I should shack up in his blog, since I don't seem to post all that often. So, over the next few days (weeks?), I'll attempt to port some posts over from my old digs...
I see Aston already put up a few reminders of what I really should be doing (working on my novels), so I guess I'd better do that too.
Aston West
I see Aston already put up a few reminders of what I really should be doing (working on my novels), so I guess I'd better do that too.
Aston West
09 October 2006
Addendum
And in case it wasn't blatantly obvious from that last post, I'm all for making homeowners' associations illegal...so write your local and national government officials, let's make it happen!
Aston West
Home Ownership
HOA
Aston West
Home Ownership
HOA
07 October 2006
Homeowners' Associations: The Series
So, with the political climate in full swing for fall elections, what better time is there to start spreading a lot of rumor, gossip, and innuendo? Yes, happy bloggers, I'm referring to homeowners' associations.
I'm certain, much like labor unions, these relics once had a purpose. But also like the former, they've mutated into something far more sinister and deviant.
The local association here in my current neighborhood has seen fit to begin their annual crackdown on all those nasty individuals who haven't yet put in the required number of trees and bushes. Infidels, the whole lot of them!
Lucky me, I have an inside source on the board, and get a lot of good gossip.
So, get this: The board wants to implement a $150/month (No, that's not a typo...really, one hundred and fifty dollars PER MONTH) fine for anyone who isn't in compliance with the "trees and bushes" clause of covenants that were put in place by the original builder. This builder hasn't even been in the picture for years, but by golly, those rules must be important, or else why would they exist?
And that's not even the best part...the rules state that two 2-inch (diameter) trees must be planted. Now, a number of homes around the area have trees, but apparently the board is going to go around and measure everyone's trees, because some people only have (newly planted) trees that don't meet the minimum diameter.
My source tells me there's a lot of dissention on the board, though, because not everyone thinks the fine is fair (um, duh?) nor is the board playing fair, since many other rules and regulations aren't being enforced (some of which by board members themselves).
My source has also gotten many nasty-grams from others on the board, since he's at the forefront of said dissention.
It's like watching a soap opera, except without as many love triangles to try and weave through.
As far as we know...
More to come...
Aston West
HOA
Home Ownership
I'm certain, much like labor unions, these relics once had a purpose. But also like the former, they've mutated into something far more sinister and deviant.
The local association here in my current neighborhood has seen fit to begin their annual crackdown on all those nasty individuals who haven't yet put in the required number of trees and bushes. Infidels, the whole lot of them!
Lucky me, I have an inside source on the board, and get a lot of good gossip.
So, get this: The board wants to implement a $150/month (No, that's not a typo...really, one hundred and fifty dollars PER MONTH) fine for anyone who isn't in compliance with the "trees and bushes" clause of covenants that were put in place by the original builder. This builder hasn't even been in the picture for years, but by golly, those rules must be important, or else why would they exist?
And that's not even the best part...the rules state that two 2-inch (diameter) trees must be planted. Now, a number of homes around the area have trees, but apparently the board is going to go around and measure everyone's trees, because some people only have (newly planted) trees that don't meet the minimum diameter.
My source tells me there's a lot of dissention on the board, though, because not everyone thinks the fine is fair (um, duh?) nor is the board playing fair, since many other rules and regulations aren't being enforced (some of which by board members themselves).
My source has also gotten many nasty-grams from others on the board, since he's at the forefront of said dissention.
It's like watching a soap opera, except without as many love triangles to try and weave through.
As far as we know...
More to come...
Aston West
HOA
Home Ownership
22 September 2006
15 September 2006
09 September 2006
Yet Another Rant
So, I attended an airshow today (which made me reminiscient for my days back in the GDF flying fighters)...quite a fun time, though I have to ask this question for my own general sanity.
Is there a reason that people in dire conditions decide "Boy, I think I'd love to walk around a flight line for hours on end?"
First, you have the injured...I can't imagine trying to navigate on crutches for that long, nor why I would want to try.
Then, you have the folks who have about six small children, all under about 4 as far as one could tell...as exciting as it would be for the young'uns, I'd have to say that keeping track of all those little ones in a crowd of tens-of-thousands would not be my first choice for what-to-do on a Saturday. The number of "lost children" announced at the show makes me think it may not have been just a coincidence they decided to bring their kids to a big event.
Then, save the best for last, being pregnant and coming out to an airshow.
Now, I'm not talking few weeks or few months pregnant. I'm talking 9 months, ready to burst at any moment pregnant.
This actually happened:
Lady comes into the booth where I happened to be helping and asks to borrow a chair, then proceeds to tell us she's having contractions. We ask her to wait while we get the medics, but she tells us no...that she'll keep walking. She leaves before we're able to get help.
Insane.
Aston West
childbirth
pregnancy
air shows
Is there a reason that people in dire conditions decide "Boy, I think I'd love to walk around a flight line for hours on end?"
First, you have the injured...I can't imagine trying to navigate on crutches for that long, nor why I would want to try.
Then, you have the folks who have about six small children, all under about 4 as far as one could tell...as exciting as it would be for the young'uns, I'd have to say that keeping track of all those little ones in a crowd of tens-of-thousands would not be my first choice for what-to-do on a Saturday. The number of "lost children" announced at the show makes me think it may not have been just a coincidence they decided to bring their kids to a big event.
Then, save the best for last, being pregnant and coming out to an airshow.
Now, I'm not talking few weeks or few months pregnant. I'm talking 9 months, ready to burst at any moment pregnant.
This actually happened:
Lady comes into the booth where I happened to be helping and asks to borrow a chair, then proceeds to tell us she's having contractions. We ask her to wait while we get the medics, but she tells us no...that she'll keep walking. She leaves before we're able to get help.
Insane.
Aston West
childbirth
pregnancy
air shows
07 September 2006
A-Musing for All
So, not to go into details, but I've stumbled upon what could be considered a dilemma of morals and ethics.
Does it seem fair that parents who would be good to their children and basically worthwhile as parents would lose their children (to death), while deadbeats and those of similar ilk are able to keep theirs?
No, it doesn't to me either...
Aston West
Babies
Ethics
Does it seem fair that parents who would be good to their children and basically worthwhile as parents would lose their children (to death), while deadbeats and those of similar ilk are able to keep theirs?
No, it doesn't to me either...
Aston West
Babies
Ethics
31 August 2006
UNCLE!!!
So, I was watching Comedy Central last night (when I should have been writing) and along came a show I hadn't seen before. It was actually pretty funny, like Jon Stewart's Daily Show, but with talent.
Anyway, during the show, they made a comment about how Hungary is using an online poll to decide upon the name of a bridge. Apparently, Colbert is attempting to get his name on the bridge. I thought I'd try to vote, but can't for the life of me figure out where the link is to get there (to the poll), despite the fact they said on the show it was there.
I don't have time to search, so I'm going to give up now and wish him luck.
Note to website designers: Make it easy to navigate for those of us with little time to spare.
Aston West
Colbert Report
Anyway, during the show, they made a comment about how Hungary is using an online poll to decide upon the name of a bridge. Apparently, Colbert is attempting to get his name on the bridge. I thought I'd try to vote, but can't for the life of me figure out where the link is to get there (to the poll), despite the fact they said on the show it was there.
I don't have time to search, so I'm going to give up now and wish him luck.
Note to website designers: Make it easy to navigate for those of us with little time to spare.
Aston West
Colbert Report
28 August 2006
I Knew Him When...
Well, it would seem that fellow writer and blogger Matt Dinniman has been labelled a "blog of note" by the folks at Blogger.
Matt, just don't let the instant fame go to your head.
And make sure to point out that you have books they could purchase to support their hero.
I wish I could say I've read your books myself, but I can say that a copy of Shivered Sky is resting on my coffee table (waiting for me)...
Matt Dinniman
Matt, just don't let the instant fame go to your head.
And make sure to point out that you have books they could purchase to support their hero.
I wish I could say I've read your books myself, but I can say that a copy of Shivered Sky is resting on my coffee table (waiting for me)...
Matt Dinniman
27 August 2006
No Title
Nothing new to report.
Not feeling much better than the last post, but at least some of the blogs I read are starting to pick up again...
Aston West
Not feeling much better than the last post, but at least some of the blogs I read are starting to pick up again...
Aston West
08 August 2006
The Painful Truth
So, I seem to be having issues lately.
I have many books to read, but don't feel like reading anything.
I have other books to critique for fellow authors, but don't feel like doing that either.
I have many friends I could be e-mailing on a more regular basis, but usually close the computer down and do something else.
I should be writing, but I often find myself asking myself "Why bother?"
I don't feel much like posting on some of the message boards where I used to post all the time.
I don't really feel much like talking with most of the people I deal with on a daily basis.
I find myself sitting in front of the TV most nights, zoning out to nothing in particular.
One could almost think I was suffering from some sort of depression.
But then again, maybe it's just boredom.
Or it could just be an early run at a mid-life crisis...minus the unnecessary financial expenditures.
Eh, time to break out more Vladirian liquor...
Aston West
depression
I have many books to read, but don't feel like reading anything.
I have other books to critique for fellow authors, but don't feel like doing that either.
I have many friends I could be e-mailing on a more regular basis, but usually close the computer down and do something else.
I should be writing, but I often find myself asking myself "Why bother?"
I don't feel much like posting on some of the message boards where I used to post all the time.
I don't really feel much like talking with most of the people I deal with on a daily basis.
I find myself sitting in front of the TV most nights, zoning out to nothing in particular.
One could almost think I was suffering from some sort of depression.
But then again, maybe it's just boredom.
Or it could just be an early run at a mid-life crisis...minus the unnecessary financial expenditures.
Eh, time to break out more Vladirian liquor...
Aston West
depression
27 July 2006
A Winner at Last
Yours truly was a winner in the latest Evil Editor contest (though not much of a contest, so it turns out)...now it's up to everyone else to figure out which one was my entry...
Mwahahahahaaaaa...
Be on the lookout for (hopefully) one of my queries to be sent through the ringer soon as well...
Aston West
Evil Editor
Mwahahahahaaaaa...
Be on the lookout for (hopefully) one of my queries to be sent through the ringer soon as well...
Aston West
Evil Editor
18 July 2006
Missed Career Opportunities
It's only fair to say that POD-dy Mouth really did miss her calling as a stand-up comic.
Another pick-me-up this soon? I might just start to smile on a regular basis...that would be a shame.
Aston West
POD-dy Mouth
Another pick-me-up this soon? I might just start to smile on a regular basis...that would be a shame.
Aston West
POD-dy Mouth
15 July 2006
Hotter than Hell
Triple-digit heat?
I haven't seen heat this bad since I last visited Rulusia.
It amazes me that the humidity here could be just as bad as there.
You'd expect to find tropical jungles and wild animals roaming around.
Instead, all you have is wheat fields and cow s***.
Too bad Vladirian liquor dries a body out.
I haven't seen heat this bad since I last visited Rulusia.
It amazes me that the humidity here could be just as bad as there.
You'd expect to find tropical jungles and wild animals roaming around.
Instead, all you have is wheat fields and cow s***.
Too bad Vladirian liquor dries a body out.
06 July 2006
Interesting Choice
I think Hunter should find out what it would take to use this photo for the cover of his WIP novel, DBV...
Think Rione, except this girl has shorter hair and her skin isn't the right shade...
There are a few other slight differences, but anyone who's read the first book would know what they are, so I won't bother listing them here...
Aston West
Think Rione, except this girl has shorter hair and her skin isn't the right shade...
There are a few other slight differences, but anyone who's read the first book would know what they are, so I won't bother listing them here...
Aston West
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)