(Reposted from the Midwestern Writer Wannabe blog)
As previously mentioned, I found a nifty little program that translates into author-ese. I recently received word back from another of the agencies I submitted to (this, after having to prompt them about my submission...which was the instruction given in their submission criteria):
The original message (edited for privacy):
We greatly appreciate your submission, and have given [it] careful consideration. Unfortunately, your project is not a good fit for us at this time.
We wish you the best of luck in finding an enthusiastic agent and in your writing career. Again, thank you for thinking of [us]."
After carefully crunching it through the software:
We didn't actually notice your submission for two months, until you sent the follow-up e-mail. Then we scrambled to go find it in our files.
Unfortunately, we read about two or three paragraphs and thought it sucked. Maybe it gets better later in the story, but that was all we could stomach. Sorry about that.
(But come on, space pirates? What the hell are you thinking?)
If there's anyone out there who will take on your manuscript, then you've got to be the luckiest bastard on Earth. But odds are, you'd really be wasting your time in continuing to propagate this garbage. But thanks for taking up our bandwidth anyway."
Is it any wonder I contemplate self-publication so often?