I'm slowly bringing out snippets from "Genesis," a story that I'd written long ago. So, if you didn't catch the previous snippets,catch the story so far
Gabriel sure does have a way of being emotionless when it comes to fending off a Gohr attack. Let's find out how Colin reacts in today's excerpt:
I looked at him in disbelief, then down at the immobile beast.Well, that could be the end of the story...but here's the thing. When I'd first written this story, I ended it right here. However, when I sent it through beta readers, some wanted a little more closure (even though I'd intended this to be the first of a series). I do have a second scene ready in the wings...but wanted to hear your thoughts (and to see if folks actually read anything more than the except). So, let me know your thoughts. Do you think the story is finished? Should I bring out the final scene?
“It would be best to begin the journey now.” He handed the satchel over to me, and smiled. “If you would lead the way to your ship…”
I stepped past the fallen Azrael, who cursed at us with fleeting breath and a harsh, raised whisper. “You shall all taste the cold steel of my blade, and die by my hand! I vow it on my brother’s grave!” He cringed, but I hurried my pace nonetheless, back out into the cold winter blast. Rief would soon be a memory, though I feared we had not seen the last of Azrael, nor of the death threat on our heads.
Again, I always enjoy your comments!
I agree with your beta readers. Although you may not necessarily need another scene. I think we need more internal monologue and emotional reaction to what just transpired from your protag, along with thoughts about the future, which I think will whet the reader's appetite.ReplyDelete
Good stuff as always. Could feel the angst and uncertainty. Keep it coming!ReplyDelete
Thanks for the comments!ReplyDelete
This is more like a first chapter than a full story. More! More! More!ReplyDelete
Love the genre and the snippet. Gonna look forward to more.ReplyDelete
Bring on the final scene!!ReplyDelete
The set up for it is too enticing.
Patrick, my intention had been to do a series of short stories...maybe one day, I'll get back to it.ReplyDelete
Heidi, I may just have to leave people begging...I've been putting these "Genesis" snippets up for months, and even I'm thinking I need to go back to some random snippets. :-)
Sorry - it definitely needs more of a sense of closure. I agree with Patrick - this feels like an opening chapter, not a complete tale. And it definitely makes me want to see where it goes from here (twists TM's arm behind back heartlessly...)ReplyDelete
Guess I'll have to put it as a full novel on my stack o' stuff to finish. ;-)ReplyDelete
It could stand alone, but I think you readers would feel slighted. But only because they'd want more. I want know about the mission, about the terribly mysterious and enigmatic Gabriel. I vote for more.ReplyDelete
I tend to get that a lot, that people want more... ;-)ReplyDelete
I want to know more about Gabriel! And surely it's not Azrael ringing--totally out of character.ReplyDelete
You could end it there...ReplyDelete
But I'd love more closure. :) You've set up such interesting characters! I want to keep journeying with them.
That's always my hope with all of my characters. ;-)ReplyDelete
Thanks to everyone for stopping by and commenting!
The end? Surely not. This feels more like a beginning.ReplyDelete
Azrael is not a happy camper!ReplyDelete
Obviously it's up to yourself, but it's definitely a story which could continue. Best of luck with whatever you decide to do.
My stack o' stuff to do keeps getting larger. :-PReplyDelete
I agree - I really don't think you should leave it hanging there! Although as the ending it's a good hook to read the next in the series. :)ReplyDelete
Hard to say without reading the whole thing. maybe a little more, but honestly - I like that last line.ReplyDelete